Four tips on how to Face and Overcome your fears.
I was once asked; do you make your decisions based on fear?
At first, I didn't even understand the question and didn't even think about it until then.
Suddenly discovered that up to that point, I have unintentionally let my fears impact my decisions personally as well as professionally. When I started my research on self-awareness I discovered different types of fears, which I had no idea that my own traumas and experiences stopped me from doing so much in life.
So, when I made the choice in 2017 to start all over, I wanted to change everything, and I mean everything so I may live a satisfying life. I no longer wanted excuses to be in the way. So, as I embrace my quest that was motivated after a near-death experience. And not to mention being in a very low-frequency mental state; is when I identified this disease that controlled my life on so many levels. But the most difficult part is being real with yourself and facing all types of diversity along the way, that's when motives will be tested for sure.
I knew I have always wanted to create a space to share the knowledge that I have gained that helped me personally to perceive the opportunity to inspire others. Although I'm not a psychology major, I am still in a school called Life, and this course is a very personal one, but I will admit my daughter is a huge factor. I refuse to create a persona that my life is perfect to satisfy my ego because I am very aware that life is a journey, not a destination.
It is important to clarify that this route of self-healing is much deeper than seeking admiration. This is my commitment to heal and restoring relationships with those that I care for the most. I accomplished facing the fear healing of ridicule for exposing the truth about my past so I may create a better version of myself. And although I once was afraid of not being good enough or not able to accomplish my dreams, I was more frightened to keep living a life full of regrets.
So, I made an agreement to confront them and tackle them as they come. Life is all about finding resolutions not creating problems, problems knock when you least expect them, and when that happens you deal with them and move on. We all do have fears which are normal and are okay, what is not okay is letting your fear stop you from becoming a better you.
How many times have you allowed fear to keep you from what you wanted to accomplish? That deep feeling makes you question everything. You go cold, the heart starts pounding, and you are stuck only for days to continue with those thoughts in your mind, missing opportunities that come across through life.
So why do fear? The unknown is the most common reason for all humans. We must first understand that fear is rooted in the unknown. On hypotheticals that do not yet exist. Fear is just a feeling! It might seem like reality, but it is not actuality. It is based on negativity. It makes us focus on what we lack instead of what we have. We must also understand that fear not only stops us from creating, of acting, and progressing. It is consequently forcing us to live in victim mode which keeps us from being accountable for our lives. This then causes us to live in response mode, which keeps us from growth. Therefore, keeping us from our dream lives and truly reaching our potential!
Are all fears created equal? No, we are born with good and bad fears, some fears are necessary because it is part of our survival mechanism and becomes part of our evolution. But as we get older, we unconsciously begin to let fears naturally be influenced by our environments and the outside world starts to introduce us to other fears. For example, our parents introduce us to certain fears that are meant to keep us safe. Fears like stranger danger are meant to be good fears. The problem is that those same fears we learn from a young lead us to unnecessary fears and anxieties such as "strangers are automatically dangerous" This type of fear can impact and create the fear of the unknown and if we have bad experiences that may place a huge trust issue of the unknown. This makes us extremely vulnerable to being influenced by the outside world and it begins to create fears of all sorts such as fears of insufficiency, fear of not pleasing people, fear of not meeting expectations, fear of not being enough, fear of losing control, fear of repeating events, fear of time and fear of our light.
When I started my journey and discovered my fears and finally admitted to myself how much control they have of me it is when I started to live a better life and was able to pursue my dreams.
So below are some samples of fears that I learned not just to face but also to overcome.
1. Fear of Insufficiency
We live a world of competition, or at least that is what seems unconscious. Fear of not having enough money, not having the perfect love that is displayed in movies and social media, or not having the opportunities can lead us to a life of bitterness and feeling like a victim. We resent those that are currently winning in these areas. We begin to believe this illusion that we don’t have a say in our lives. That the system, the world, and the opposite sex is out to get us.
"I now see how owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we will ever do." - Brene Brown
We first must believe in love and abundance for all. When we do realize the truth, which is we all have the opportunity to create money and feel the love we can then understand that there is plenty for all. And that you will win in your way when it is your time for love and when you grab an opportunity to make money that can help you to live the life you want. But you must first create it and like I said, first is to believe. Without believing, it cannot become a reality. I discovered doing mantras and affirmations of abundance has helped me to bring the belief within, so then I can attract those things that I desire. When you make affirmations make sure you say it in the present tense. You want opportunities, love, and money now not in an unknown future. Be specific about what you want. The point is to teach yourself and convince your mind to believe it is possible because you create what you believe and with that mindset, you will reverse the fear of insufficiency, and then you will have the confidence to create a plan to reach for your goals.
2. Fear of Rejection
It is natural to need to connect and feel accepted. We since young want to be part of the tribe or the "cool crowd." The fear of not may not being good enough can lead us to things we may not want to do. There have been times throughout my life that I caught myself trying so hard to please, And because of that fear, I would not get too close and allow someone to get to know me. Because I was scared of rejection. It is really hard for me to admit that I have caught myself putting other people's happiness before mines just so I would not feel alone. Only to place me in situations where I was less than myself. My character and my spirit were lost.
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
-Overcame by Protecting My Identity
Just a few, very few moments I cared about what others thought of me. I realized I should not care what ANYONE thinks of me, no matter what. No one should ever have that much control of me and then I knew that I had to stand up for myself and say no, no matter the circumstances. The moment I began to be true to myself the less I cared about what others thought of me. I learned that people’s opinions of you will always be based and measured by how they feel about themselves. So, if that person that is judging you feels like crap about themselves then they will project that on you. Let me ask you this, will you live out the projection of others? Or will you live to be who you decide? Stay true to yourself, those that care will love the true you. Those that don’t will quickly walk away and that’s a great thing! That leaves space for people that will truly accept you for who you are to come into your life.
3. Fear of Failure
This is the biggest one that I had to overcome fast if I want to do anything new. And you will be amazed by some people who are successful and seems so fearless had needed to overcome this fear as well. Why? Because this is normal, we all experience the feeling that no matter what you do you are not good enough. And especially in some circumstances, it seems so impossible to reach your goals, and that belief will crush you before you even begin. The fear that you are not enough, and you don’t deserve your dream. Or that you don’t have what it takes to make things happen. It is this fear that stops you from asking for that promotion or going for that dream job or asking that special someone out. Like I said before, our brains create what you tell them to. So if you fear you are not good enough, you will live like you aren’t good enough.
"Self-Love is complete forgiveness, acceptance, and respect for who you are deep down- all your beautiful and hideous parts included." - Aletheia Luna
-Overcame by Self-love
We are at different times and more people especially young ladies around the world have discovered the importance of taking care of themselves and realizing that true happiness comes within. It's a beautiful thing when more woman is not basing their worth on a man but know they alone are worthy of themselves. And what a great message that is especially when we have young girls looking up to us when we found ourselves and support, inspire and empower ourselves by knowing yes, you alone are enough! When I was growing up my self-love wasn’t the best. Then I began to constantly repeat “You are beautiful,” I said it often and I said it out loud. After a time, this became a habit. To this day I still say it. It has changed the way I see myself. Another thing you need to consider when facing the fear of not being enough is your confidence. You must redefine what confidence is. Confidence is not having it all figured out, feeling like a million bucks, or being fearless 100% of the time. Confidence is knowing you can figure things out. So how do you build confidence? Think about all the times you faced a difficult moment. Yes, you were scared, and yes you had a bit of self-doubt, but you faced it and you figured it out! So guess what, you are enough to make it through and make anything happen! Don’t forget that. Start taking action. The more you take action the more practice you will get with figuring things out.
4. Fear of Success
I remember when I started the journey of creating my company, after long conversations that I had with some at that time confined in, made me feel surprisingly afraid and questioned myself; what if I do make it? I think this comes when you fear success, fear others hating us (which comes from people-pleasing) fear of leaving people behind, and fear of coming across as someone full of themselves. Or not able to handle the pressure, not being able to handle the responsibilities or not being able to keep up with the demand. So you begin to dim your light because of this and begin to live under the norm. You start sharing memes about hating life, hating work, hating this, hating that. You start anticipating the weekend on a Monday. The problem with this is that it is a slippery slip to mediocrity and unhappiness. Not to mention you are depriving the world of your amazingness!
"And one day she discovered that she was fierce and strong, and full of fire and that not even she could hold herself back because her passion burned brighter than her fears."
-Overcoming with Prosperity
Sometimes I have to pinch myself when I come to terms with how far I have come. I am nowhere near where I want to be but being in the path brings me joy. I no longer let my fears stop me from what I have always desired to pursue my dream to become an entrepreneur and being in a position to help others like myself to be inspired to do the same. Life is too short and I just knew that I was capable of more. Be who you were born to be! Yes, people will get uncomfortable at times. Yes, you will grow and unfortunately, some people will stay in certain chapters of your life. That is okay! Those who matter, those who truly belong in your life will clap when you succeed, grow with you, and will never feel uncomfortable with your light. If anything you will inspire them to shine and be more. You can’t inspire if you pick being average for fear of standing out. And I know there is still a long road ahead of me but I will not stop, for my children have always been my motivation and passion is my fuel, and remember, whatever your heart desires you too can make it possible. We all deserve to live the life we love.
Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly- Charles Adams.
The quote above is a great reminder that we are not all equal and so we may all have different fears, and this is just my journey and what I have discovered to help me in facing my fears in the hope you discovered your own and dare to face yours. So, you may also live a fulfilled life and be fearless in the process. Of course, if you have experience and overcome your fears or have other suggestions, we would love to hear them. Your thoughts are always welcome.